Saturday, November 27, 2010

Chapter 8: The Bloopers

Kids, sometimes you wish your life was a movie and the mistakes you did were never included. Although it'd be convenient if you could sit back and check out the bloopers at the end.

We all commit mistakes. Some of us, like your dad... actually like committing mistakes, glorify them and bask in their glory. Not to be rude, I wouldn't call them mistakes; they are the oops moments in one's life. When you discover a tunnel within a tunnel, trace it to find out that the tunnel opens at the "start" point.

I had quite a few such tunnels in my lifetime, and here, I proudly announce that I am not ashamed of any one of them! That's right! I am ashamed of all of them! Just kidding.

Ok, let's get started-

Blooper 1:
See Girl no. 2

Blooper 2:
There is one thing called compatibility, kids... and there is another thing called similarity. We often confuse the two terms and land up in trouble. There is a saying that "Opposites Attract" and it exists for a good reason. Being compatible means knowing and understanding each others' quirks and respecting each others' private space. Being similar means having the same quirks and not necessarily being cool about it. I have this belief that if I had a twin who was emotionally at the same level as me, I would have killed him by now.

Well, I found this clone of mine with even more exaggerated emotional levels than mine, in a female friend of mine. This is a very simplified view of what was wrong with our friendship. Here is a list of the bloopers you shouldn't make-
1. If she doesn't listen to you even when you have that I am going to say something awesome look on your face, leave!
2. If she is in a serious relationship (read- cries at night) and you are "more than a friend", run!
3. If you only think of her when you have nothing else to do, run faster!
4. If whenever she calls, it always begins with "Can I ask you for a favour?", hang up and start running.
5. If you feel like running away, just run!

Blooper 3:
If you are friends with a girl, text late at nights only and only if you can survive the trauma of her "placing a light peck on your cheeks", "kissing you all over your mouth" and "cuddling up with you in the blanket". All these text message might sound sweet and cute to some distant alien in some far away planet. But, not to the person who just started texting this girl only one day before this natural calamity of a texting happened. I freaked out. I said, "uhh... no please" and "Eww... no! go away."

Needless to say, she didn't quite like my replies.

Blooper 4:
Kids, no matter how badly you get rejected, how badly you want to be loved, never challenge God that if He gave you someone not so good looking, one who had a voice like a thousand chalks were squeaking on a blackboard, one who grinned every time she saw you.... you'd still respect her love... because for you, love is everything. Trust me, it's not.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Chapter 7: The facts

Kids, there is something about concrete, rock solid facts. They just refuse to move. Thoughts are powerful, no doubt; in fact- half of the reality is a construct of our thoughts and moods but, the rest half is built on facts.

The fact that I have feelings for girl no. 3 wouldn't change, the fact that I wouldn't get attracted to someone easily now-- wouldn't change; the fact that she would never love me back-- wouldn't change. So the above are facts, these wouldn't alter based on my perceptions.

But, perceptions do change and more importantly, people do change. I do not perceive her as I used to before; but that does not changes the person that she is and therefore my love for her remains the same.

You might find me a little moronic if you are reading this after chapter 6 where I so vaingloriously declared that I was over her. Well, if that chapter was a story, this chapter is a lesson. And the lesson is -- never declare anything. Even to yourself. Because declaration breeds expectation and expectation creates a chance to bring you down.

I was doing fairly well; I didn't text or call. I disconnected from her. I was unhappy without knowing it. The perception was that I had moved on but the fact was that -- my feet were stuck all this time while walking off was a delusion.

I see her sad the other day and my wax heart melts to pure water. The urge to soak up all her sorrow has become second nature to me. I felt like asking what she wanted and fulfilling all her wishes right away... and to my sorrow she asked for my happiness. I gave it away. She wanted me to act normal and I complied. Giving away my happiness made me happier than ever; I knew this was short-lived but, it felt right.

A few days later... the wick burns away and the bomb explodes. It was evident that she took more Abhyudaya than needed for her purpose, it wasn't her fault... I was more than happy to give myself away but, the fact remained that I can't give her what she wants and she can't give me what I want.

I have already tried the surgical excision route, now I shall try the other way. Graft the tissue over the host until the host rejects the tissue. Clearly, she is not cut out for me and I know it; the only thing that hurts me is my love.

Here I am subjecting myself to an experiment which can debilitate me for life. I will put myself close to her until I realize that I don't love her anymore.

Kids, please realize that such experiments need divine intervention to succeed and don't try this yourself unless you must!

I will be back with the results..