Saturday, February 5, 2011

Chapter 10: Where I went wrong.

Kids, in every relationship, there is always a point which is like a flag pole with a skull and two crossed bones. A point beyond redemption. This flag is visible from a very far far distance but, some people ignore it; well they rather choose to ignore it. The girl no. 2 I told you about? Remember her?

Well, turns out there was another side of the story. I described how she came on to me and how she slapped my back until my vertebra broke but I never described the darker side of that story. Well, that story was waiting to be told, and here it goes-

Before that train journey ever happened, before we became friends, she had a relationship. That night when she cried in front of me, she didn't mean to be that damsel, she meant to cry and only to cry. She had this abusive boyfriend who took liberties on her, verbally. Not very cool. It was an easy choice in my head, ditch the guy, stop talking to him, change your phone number, avoid him. Wasn't so easy for her. For the reason I never understood and for the reason I don't have a girlfriend yet. It was love. Unadulterated love.

When I was with her, I was rushing things. I wanted her to do away with this boyfriend and elope with me to a fairytale life. She wanted to sort it out. I never really respected her past.

Ok, before this turns into a weepy confession of sorts, let's rush things (old habits die hard) fast forward to the present day:-

We were friends who never talked until this January when we exchanged numbers again and got talking. We still are chalk and cheese but boy! Chalk and cheese can talk! She is in a happy relationship currently and I sort of interviewed her on what went wrong with my relationship with her... so, here is, for the first time, someone guest authoring my blog and it has to be the kindest, sweetest, craziest, a little hyper and the only ex-girlfriend I ever had. She talked and I took notes.


"You need a heart to love someone, not your brain. Let your heart work the magic for you. You will surely find someone. It's not important how you start it; it's not important how you meet her! It's important how you maintain it."

"Dear, it's a tough job to maintain a relationship. It takes effort. A little bit of compromise, faith, trust and understanding... can work wonders. Never leave the important things unsaid. Basic mistrust arises from lack of communication. We say all kinds of stuff but leave the important one unsaid."

"Be careful with your words. Don't use words that you don't like for yourself. Words are important."

"We all are insecure. We all are afraid that we will lose our loved ones at some point of time. All you need to do is be patient. Give her some space, some air to breathe. Don't ever make her do anything she doesn't want to do. Understanding is the key.

"When you love someone, love her 100%. Don't expect to be loved the way you love her. Love her in your unique way and be loved in her unique way."

"Breaking up is not the solution to any problem. Sit down and sort it out. You tend to rush everything! Time can do magic. Time is the key. Over time, all relations go stronger."

"Then there are those small things which you have to discover with your partner. They are unique to every relation."

On being asked- How do I know that I really love this girl and this is not attraction?

"Attraction may diminish over a day to even few months. Love remains forever. Attraction fades when you see someone better than the earlier. But when you start reading someone's heart, your heart goes and attaches itself to that person's heart."

"I've seen my mother and father fight, since then I decided I will never allow my brain to work in a relationship, I will go with my heart, wherever it takes me. Even if I am wrong at times. It's good to be wrong sometimes. It makes you happier."

On being asked whether she believed in soul-mates..
"No, but I want to be with [name of her boyfriend] forever"

Where do you think I went wrong when I was with you?
"You should never try to change the person you are with. Someone who likes you, tries hard to be liked by you. Compliments are good but, what hurts is when you try to change her. And give her time and space."

So there it was!
What do you think?