Chapter 13- A love story

Well, I am of the opinion that every love story needs to be told because, every such story stands out in its own glory and inspires us to never lose hope and faith in love. Here is one such story in all its glory-

Once upon a time, there lived a boy, unruly and loud, fickle as a cloud. Let's call him Prince henceforth. There also lived a girl- cute as a button, quiet but jolly, she hardly had any folly. She was a princess. The boy was a romantic at heart but he hid that side of his under an overtly chauvinistic veil; he hung out with guys and boys strictly, never thought that girls are worthy of friendship, spoke lowly of them and revelled in the glory of boyhood.

The girl came from a place where "romantic relationships" were unheard of, almost like a taboo. She did have a wild streak but she just didn't know it yet. She considered herself never anything above ordinary and never did she feel the need of being modest because modesty is to conceal your aura so that everyone shines in the same bright light but, she was quite unaware of her own aura.

The meet cute was not so very dramatic. The guy although was such a "boy" but, he was a romantic at heart, so much so that he fell for every cute face out there. He could imagine a cute girl and fall in love with her- such strong was his love for love. Is this trait worthy of being called a "romantic"? I leave that decision to you. So he saw the girl one day, she was his college junior. He saw her again and started noticing the nuances of  her eyes, smile, hair. Everything is beautiful if you observe closely. God is a sculpture and he gives much attention to detail. The beholder has to look for them, that's all. Then, he sent her a request on facebook- an online tool which has made life easier for many tools. The friendship request was promptly accepted and thus began a small spark. Their first conversation led to the next one and so on, until one day when they knew each other well enough to pass smiles and make small talk in public. This led to an epiphany that their personalities were like lock and key, they fit together, suited each other. They clicked together.

Now you may feel that clicking together is good thing. Well, Not necessarily. It means that they are good as friends, equals, companions but can that feeling metamorphose into the feeling where you cannot stay apart for even a minute, when you have butterflies in the stomach when you meet the other, when your whole life revolves around the happiness of the other viz., the feeling called love?

Turns out that our Prince shared great chemistry with the Princess not because of the chemistry, but because he was smitten by her and thus, everything she did was adorable to him. Now this was the first good thing that happened in this story which appeared to be drifting wayward thus far.

At one of their hanging-out sessions "as friends", prince professed his love to the princess. Princess had never seen this coming, she would have never known this feeling, she never considered these feelings legit, and coming from the prince, it seemed all the more strange to her. She hadn't given it a single thought, ever. She borrowed some time.

That night, prince called her. They laughed about how he will be a good boyfriend once they get together and how much he loves her. Usually when such a thing happens in a friendship, it ruins the relation, the two people drift apart to make room to accommodate "love" between themselves. But this was not the case between these two. Their chemistry seemed to be indestructible. This struck the princess and acting on sheer instinct, she said "yes" just to experience whether the prince was as good a boyfriend as he claimed to be.

Turns out, prince was none of those things he claimed to be. He stayed the same ol' friend and did the same ol' silly things. Princess was not disappointed to say the least. She was happy. It was like nothing had changed, just that there was a different name for the amazing relation that they shared. Slowly, over time, she fell in love with him.

Love is not something that happens all of a sudden, it's not what you share with your girlfriend you just met; it is what you share with your wife after 20 years of marriage. All you need to do is find someone who cares enough to take the risk and leave the rest to love.

Cheers!

Ode to girl 3

I gave you chances,
I dropped you hints.
You looked through me,
from pink glass tints.

You ran me over,
and killed my thirst.
I was radiant and jolly,
like an atom bomb burst.

I feigned happiness,
which is hardest to feign.
You were the nursing bottle,
and I had to wean.

I cried, got over you,
moved on, bought a life.
Tired, spent my soul,
through this endless strife.

Why to stay single on Valentine's Day!

Now that I am in a full-fledged relationship (more on that later) and the V-day is just round the corner, I think I miss being single on cupid's favourite date and this is not about the grass being greener on the other side of the fence, trust me.

Reason 1: The immense hype.
"What are you gifting her this Valentine's?", "Hey! What plans for Valentine's?" The plannings and conspiracies begin a month ahead. It's sort of fun and challenging when you're trying to woo her but, not so much when it is something expected out of you, more than something that you want to do. Imagine her friends saying "Hawww! He didn't take you to Abcd place on V-day eve? Me and my other went there! And it was awesome! Omg omg omg! I loved it!!" and her going all mad with red raging fury over your inability to match some multi- millionaire business tycoon's son's histrionics!

Reason 2: The embarrassment.
If you are not much into PDA, all those moments when you're in the public eye can be very unnerving. Right from your entry to an Archie's Gift Gallery to the flower shop, to the time you spend outside waiting for with a bunch of roses in your hands; you are targeted by giggly girls, frowning neighbours, conniving friends- all giving you those strange looks. It's like they just read your personal diary.

Reason 3: Western Culture!! Haye! Haye!
Now who wants to get his face smeared with black grease and made to sit on a donkey? Not me! We live in a country of Shiv Sena., Shri Ram Sene, Bajrang Dal et al who consider it their duty to get rid of us maggots from the society. How about we shift the V-day to 15th or 16th Feb and fool 'em fools!!? Eh? Eh?

Reason 4: The expectations.
If love is a degree course, V-day, anniversaries, birthdays are like university exams. If you don't make her feel like a princess on the day, a lot of your future arguments will end with her saying "You didn't... blah blah blah... even on Valentine's day!" If you're in a no frills relationship, gear up for some frills! Valentine's day attaches frills to everyone's lives!

Reason 5: The Accelerator!
If you've been taking it slow and nice, and things have been good so far, and you've been going just the right speed; V-day shifts the gear to the topmost and hits top speed in your relationship car. Don't fret if she starts saying things like "When we get married...", "What names have you thought for our future kids?", "What names have you thought for our future grandkids?" and stuff like that. It's the phenomenon of V-day hitting the relationship accelerator. Applying brakes may result in fatal jerks and even an ugly crash! Enjoy!

Reason 6: The Romance Of Singlehood!
Valentine's Day means so much to the in-love couples, but it also means a lot to the singles ready to mingles. It's about hope, it's about the endless search for true love. Having a girlfriend puts an end to that great search and simultaneously to all the romance associated with that search. Congratulations, you can no longer go up to that lonesome female from across the hall, and be all nervous, and ask her for a dance. Instead, you get to buy cards, teddy bears, roses and other gooey things and carry them around town until you deliver them to a certain someone who is expecting them from you.


Reason 7: Money!
Crack that piggy bank open and waste that money because that's how cupid rolls!


Reason 8: For those of you who want to break-up!
Ok, it has not been going as you had dreamed and expected in your relationship. You want to break up and say good-bye but V-day with itself brings a three month curfew period during which, you can't even think of breaking up and here's why you have to put up with her for three more months-

One and a half month before V-day- She is all excited with her plans and is asking you for suggestions. Telling her that you don't want her around anymore is like stabbing a teddy bear.

On the V-day- Oh! Don't you dare think of doing that on the most special day of them all, you sick-o! Just survive the day somehow!

One and half month after V-day- You can't dump her right after V-day otherwise it'd feel like you've been pitying her all along. So the month of Feb is a no-no. And as you survive February, you realise that she isn't that bad and you should give your relationship another chance. It's only till the end of March that you re-realise why you wanted to break-up with her. Don't do it on April 1st though, she won't take you seriously at first, which will make it more brutal.

Love and Peace!

And yeah, happy Valentine's Day!!

How to screw up a relationship!

Kids, dating isn't easy. It isn't a bed of roses. It's a bed of burning dead bodies, being tortured with hellfire which is covered by petals of roses. You find that out, only when you step on it. Once you step on it, it's very difficult to step back. Here I present to you a few secret ways to help you do that. Use them responsibly, ok?

1. Gorilla Wars!
When you're in a relationship, you fight. You fight 'cause your beau called your mother ugly and you fight 'cause you think he thinks you think that he thinks you're fat! These fights are customary and do not mar the status of your relationship by more than 1%. If you really want to do some real damage, throw a bombshell without any reason! You can't imagine how much damage a "I don't think things are working anymore" text on a fine sunday morning can cause. We don't have the numbers, so defeat the enemy by surprise attacks! Gorilla war!!

2. Missiles!
Most of the fights are reconciled when you meet your other and discuss them. But there will be times when one of you would be out of station, away for some reason. That's your time, pick a fight. Pick a stupid reason. When someone is with his or her family after a loong time, they program themselves to be happy. A text like- "I think you're a lying son of a bitch! You didn't remove that whore from your facebook even when she continuously hit on you!" can work wonders!

3. Repetition!
Say "I love you jana" via texts every two hours in a day and four times before sleeping. Ask "asleep?" after 15 minutes of them texting you- "Very tired, going to sleep.".

And here's the master stroke, when in a fight- mention how you say "I love you" gazillion times a day and they fail to acknowledge your love.

4. Make fun of everything they do.
And if they are playful and take this in their stride, apologize viciously until they realize that they have been wronged!

5. The obvious stuff
Of course, you should be over-possessive, loud, bitchy and critical of their personality and family and family members' personalities. I mean that's a given.

6. Self-centered talk!
Let him finish a long speech on how his father has mistreated him all his life and how he wants to grow up and become a better human being and follow that up with "Am I looking fat in this dress jana?"

Pure break-up guaranteed!

Chapter 12: Girl 4- The Murder of A Heart

So thus far the lesson learnt is- flirting is the most dangerous double edged sword invented by mankind. You meet a great gal, start flirting right away, the worst thing that can happen to you is- love! So if you meet a great girl who loves you a lot, don't think that your love is all that she needs and her love is all that you need. You two also need to be on the same page about a lot of things. The biggest bullshit that the world of dating has been putting up with is "opposites attract". No, they don't.

If you aren't attracted to her in a way that would make you to climb down a valley of snakes just to get her a flower, let her go! Let her find her prince which she eventually will. Till the day you don't let her go, you will be the ogre who holds her in his cage. And the day you let her go, you'd be the bastard who left her for no reason. So, moral of the story... if you hit the switch and the lights are not on, leave the room. Don't wait for the magic, it either is, or it isn't.

Now this takes us to a dilemma! Compare Girl 3 and 4 and you'll be taken to a conundrum. Girl 3 was a classic case of delay which resulted in damage beyond repair while Girl 4 was a case of damage tough to repair due to lack of delay!

Chapter 11: Say hello to Girl 4

Would the tortoise narrate to its kids how it lost to a rabbit in the race? Would the villain of a masala bollywood thriller tell his kids where he went wrong? In my case, the answer is "yes". The whole point of this blog is to make you learn from my mistakes in an entertaining manner. That brings me to Girl No. 04.

It was the stuff fairy tales are made of, sans the magic. It had promises, intimacy, love (?), caring for each other; what it didn't have was the typical madness that characterizes a love story. It did have madness alright, it was a mad mad relationship, but more like the tacky madness that makes your stomach churn, certainly not the one that makes you go awww.

How I met her? Well, college function, working together, chit-chatting, exchange of mobile numbers, harmless flirting, harmful flirting and all hell broke loose. I deny it tooth to nail but the truth is that it is a clear-cut case of the dreaded phenomenon called "rebound"!! On my part, it started with a simple "what-if?" What if I can't love anyone anymore? What if I wouldn't be able to love my own wife? What if the best part of my life is over? What if Girl 3 falls in love with someone else? They get married, have kids?

On Girl 4's part, the story started with another "What if"? What if I was destined to meet this guy and spend my whole life with him happily ever after? Yikes!

She loved me, she was jealous of my female friends, she cried for me, she took me very seriously. And I? I was scared!

TO BE CONTINUED

Chapter 10: Where I went wrong.

Kids, in every relationship, there is always a point which is like a flag pole with a skull and two crossed bones. A point beyond redemption. This flag is visible from a very far far distance but, some people ignore it; well they rather choose to ignore it. The girl no. 2 I told you about? Remember her?

Well, turns out there was another side of the story. I described how she came on to me and how she slapped my back until my vertebra broke but I never described the darker side of that story. Well, that story was waiting to be told, and here it goes-

Before that train journey ever happened, before we became friends, she had a relationship. That night when she cried in front of me, she didn't mean to be that damsel, she meant to cry and only to cry. She had this abusive boyfriend who took liberties on her, verbally. Not very cool. It was an easy choice in my head, ditch the guy, stop talking to him, change your phone number, avoid him. Wasn't so easy for her. For the reason I never understood and for the reason I don't have a girlfriend yet. It was love. Unadulterated love.

When I was with her, I was rushing things. I wanted her to do away with this boyfriend and elope with me to a fairytale life. She wanted to sort it out. I never really respected her past.

Ok, before this turns into a weepy confession of sorts, let's rush things (old habits die hard) fast forward to the present day:-

We were friends who never talked until this January when we exchanged numbers again and got talking. We still are chalk and cheese but boy! Chalk and cheese can talk! She is in a happy relationship currently and I sort of interviewed her on what went wrong with my relationship with her... so, here is, for the first time, someone guest authoring my blog and it has to be the kindest, sweetest, craziest, a little hyper and the only ex-girlfriend I ever had. She talked and I took notes.

Excerpts-

"You need a heart to love someone, not your brain. Let your heart work the magic for you. You will surely find someone. It's not important how you start it; it's not important how you meet her! It's important how you maintain it."

"Dear, it's a tough job to maintain a relationship. It takes effort. A little bit of compromise, faith, trust and understanding... can work wonders. Never leave the important things unsaid. Basic mistrust arises from lack of communication. We say all kinds of stuff but leave the important one unsaid."

"Be careful with your words. Don't use words that you don't like for yourself. Words are important."

"We all are insecure. We all are afraid that we will lose our loved ones at some point of time. All you need to do is be patient. Give her some space, some air to breathe. Don't ever make her do anything she doesn't want to do. Understanding is the key."

"When you love someone, love her 100%. Don't expect to be loved the way you love her. Love her in your unique way and be loved in her unique way."

"Breaking up is not the solution to any problem. Sit down and sort it out. You tend to rush everything! Time can do magic. Time is the key. Over time, all relations go stronger."

"Then there are those small things which you have to discover with your partner. They are unique to every relation."

On being asked- How do I know that I really love this girl and this is not attraction?

"Attraction may diminish over a day to even few months. Love remains forever. Attraction fades when you see someone better than the earlier. But when you start reading someone's heart, your heart goes and attaches itself to that person's heart."

"I've seen my mother and father fight, since then I decided I will never allow my brain to work in a relationship, I will go with my heart, wherever it takes me. Even if I am wrong at times. It's good to be wrong sometimes. It makes you happier."

On being asked whether she believed in soul-mates..
"No, but I want to be with [name of her boyfriend] forever"

Where do you think I went wrong when I was with you?
"You should never try to change the person you are with. Someone who likes you, tries hard to be liked by you. Compliments are good but, what hurts is when you try to change her. And give her time and space."



*sigh*
So there it was!
What do you think?