Chapter 5- Girl No. 3 The Muse Begins....

What's the word for loss of all your social abilities, unlearning of all your charming habits and desperation to please someone so bad that you stop to be the person you were?

That's right, kids. It's called one-sided, unrequited love. The biggest problem with one sided love is that it blinds you. You see the signs when there are none. You start deciphering language and symbols as they sound convenient to you. Love, which is supposed to come easy and charmingly, becomes tricky and difficult because of all the coding and uncoding that needs to be done. When she says she "luvs" you, it is hard not to believe that she is not in love with you. She just loves you as she loves her two-wheeler or her comb or her ear bud or etc etc.

So, there I was. Standing alone, with all these dreams. My situation was a shrink's nightmare because, my cognition was perfectly alright. The signs were there. Sleepless nights, late night phone calls equally from both parties, it is hard to say what was missing kids. I guess, what *was* missing is probably what they call "true love". She didn't enjoy my writings, she didn't listen to my thoughts... well, nobody does but, the most clear sign of love is knowing the person. While I claim of knowing her, I don't think she has ever met the real me. The real me would never talk to her for more than 5 minutes but, this stupid-me went on and on yakking and blabbing away God-knows-what-crap day and night with her non-stop... on the roof, in the corridor, in my room, under the bed, inside the cupboard, circling the badminton court, near the tree, in my dreams... I carried her everywhere.

One picture that I remember clearly is of her crying face. That was the first time I saw her crying. Cheeks rosy red, a hint of rose on the tip of her nose. Kajal smudged for the gothic look... it was our physiology viva exam. I remember her face and torn pieces of dove feathers in the yard. I connect the two sights so seamlessly in my mind that both come to mind when I remember the picture. My heart bled that day... I was raging mad at the professor unless I heard the sound of her chuckle. She was back to normal. That day should have been the dawn of realization that I was over-reacting... my feelings were a bit dramatized but it wasn't.

Another memory that I hold fondly is of our first date. Ok, it was just a hang out for her and a date for me. Cloud nine seemed so distantly far below from where I was standing. It was the first and last time we went out together and shame on me, the girl asked me out and the girl paid the bill too! She spoonfed me from her cup of icecream, which set my heart galloping, later I realized she did it as a habit and there was no big deal in that! For her!

Now kids, this part is a little bit hazy as she claims it never happened while I remember that it clearly happened and made me realize that she was into me. My interpretation is that she was initially into me but when she realized that I was into her she went out of me. Maybe I scared her away like Ted Mosby! Or Maybe what I am going to narrate never happened! Ok, We were discussing crushes when the topic came to the most awesome of them all- "Why in the world does no girl have a crush on me! The Legendary Abhyudaya!?" She hesitantly named a girl who did have a shadow of a crush on me and then quipped, "Guess who else had a crush on you?" With my fingers, toes, appendix crossed, I asked- "Who?" She blushed (I am lying, you really can't tell... it was a telephonic conversation) and said- "Me". I did my happy dance and then coming to my senses asked- "Now everything is fine, right? Because, it's a bed idea you know." (GOD DAMN! IT) and she replied "Oh yea yea, it was just a passing crush, it ended long back!"

So... basically... I had it screwed up since the beginning!