Chapter 7: The facts

Kids, there is something about concrete, rock solid facts. They just refuse to move. Thoughts are powerful, no doubt; in fact- half of the reality is a construct of our thoughts and moods but, the rest half is built on facts.

The fact that I have feelings for girl no. 3 wouldn't change, the fact that I wouldn't get attracted to someone easily now-- wouldn't change; the fact that she would never love me back-- wouldn't change. So the above are facts, these wouldn't alter based on my perceptions.

But, perceptions do change and more importantly, people do change. I do not perceive her as I used to before; but that does not changes the person that she is and therefore my love for her remains the same.

You might find me a little moronic if you are reading this after chapter 6 where I so vaingloriously declared that I was over her. Well, if that chapter was a story, this chapter is a lesson. And the lesson is -- never declare anything. Even to yourself. Because declaration breeds expectation and expectation creates a chance to bring you down.

I was doing fairly well; I didn't text or call. I disconnected from her. I was unhappy without knowing it. The perception was that I had moved on but the fact was that -- my feet were stuck all this time while walking off was a delusion.

I see her sad the other day and my wax heart melts to pure water. The urge to soak up all her sorrow has become second nature to me. I felt like asking what she wanted and fulfilling all her wishes right away... and to my sorrow she asked for my happiness. I gave it away. She wanted me to act normal and I complied. Giving away my happiness made me happier than ever; I knew this was short-lived but, it felt right.

A few days later... the wick burns away and the bomb explodes. It was evident that she took more Abhyudaya than needed for her purpose, it wasn't her fault... I was more than happy to give myself away but, the fact remained that I can't give her what she wants and she can't give me what I want.


I have already tried the surgical excision route, now I shall try the other way. Graft the tissue over the host until the host rejects the tissue. Clearly, she is not cut out for me and I know it; the only thing that hurts me is my love.

Here I am subjecting myself to an experiment which can debilitate me for life. I will put myself close to her until I realize that I don't love her anymore.

Kids, please realize that such experiments need divine intervention to succeed and don't try this yourself unless you must!

I will be back with the results..