Chapter 15- Toying with love, playing with fire.

So, the story had begun, I had jumped in a river that I didn’t fully understand.  Kids, I might vehemently deny that it was not a rebound, but it was. It was forced, it was uneasy and weird. After my recent break-up and an older lingering romance, I was laden with baggage. What I couldn’t understand was that in relationships, like attracts like. She was equally laden. Oops!

A word about this girl: Amazing human being, sweet, kind but with a past that couldn’t be shrugged off. I tried to help her smile about all the things that had befallen her in her past but, I guess, for some people, you just don’t have the cure. I was betrayed by love: the emotion.  She was betrayed by people. People she trusted. She trusted easily and was not afraid to swim upstream. Sadly, she had faced a lot of ugliness in her life and I think it had made her a bit too persuasive towards finding happiness. I was much at ease letting happiness get to me at its own peace.

So, we started dating. I was happy to be in a relationship but, I was yet to know her. She was guarded yet, loving. For example, she would read my text messages but, wouldn’t let me read hers. She was afraid to be judged and I was eager to judge. So, we took the long, torturous path of finding each other; the path of regular fights and misunderstandings and the clearing out sessions later on. By “we”, I mean “I”. Most fights were initiated by me driven by my impatient need to make this relationship the best in the world or get it over with. I was reckless with her, sometimes intentionally, just because I needed her to share everything with me, not in a “daily report” sort of way but in a philosophical way. I wanted our minds to meet and ideate together. She kept on playing the “thoughtless, emotional, stuck-up, talentless damsel in distress” role for a month or so which I knew (rather hoped) wasn’t her true self. She refused to take a stand because she was the exact opposite in her approach toward this relationship. While I was reckless, she was careful, sceptical and gentle.

Now, I don’t remember clearly but, I think it was on our road trip to Chitradurga that we had our first major fight in which she actively participated. The topic being her dislike towards me comparing her to my ex. Fair point. For me, that was the first day she began to talk to me. We had earlier shared how “mushy talk” bores us both and how lame are the terms “boyfriend and girlfriend” and how “clinginess” is such a turn-off for both of us, but these weren’t conversations. I could cover all these topics and more on a bus journey with a total stranger. The first time I made her really angry was the first time I was talking to her. Wrong way to do it, kids, wrong way to do it.

What ensued next was the “behaviour modification” period initiated by me; knowing that I had the upper hand in the relationship, I began to turn evil. In every relationship, there is a time when you try to change the person you love and here is the lesson kids- DON’T. This “behaviour modification” period was too long and hard to bear for her because we didn’t get a proper “honeymoon period”- those initial days in a relationship where all things are shiny and glossy and the world in annoyingly perfect. I had already spent a honeymoon period with my ex and that was too recent. I was gritty and unromantic which was unfair but she played along.

I am not proud of the behaviour modification period, kids. I was an unruly brat with more frequent mood swings than a PMSing girl. Yes, I said PMSing. It’s about time you understood these terminologies. You’re growing up! Go look it up in the dictionary. I was judgemental. I was closely looking for character flaws. I didn’t want to fail again. I made sure that she was loving, caring, kind, calls-you-the-right-number-of-times-a-day kind of girl. I was the kind of boyfriend who shouted at his girl if she showed any trace of selfishness or clinginess, if she called me when I was in the middle of something, if she asked too many questions. I am not proud, kids. You don’t do that to a girl. Surprisingly, she took it all and still stood tall! She passed all tests; she warmed my cold heart and taught me how to love. She could grin and bear it all with a love that said- “I’m not leaving you, no matter what!” One such night was when I had made her cry (in my defence, she cried at the drop of a hat), I had my first tears of guilt and love. I was suddenly thankful to her for everything.

Love Begins

Both of us were careful with our relationship. She was careful not to hurt me while I was careful not to get hurt again. She was this sage and I was this decoit. Now, every such story is incomplete without the quintessential change of heart. I started noticing all the nice things in her. The way she looked at me, way she laughed at all my unfunny jokes, the way she found reasons to stay with me, spend time with me; it was almost as if she was overcompensating for something. It was beyond my understanding. I expected a love-hate relationship which could finally grow into a love-love relationship but I was given the good thing too soon. I was happy and wanted to keep her happy too, for life. She had amazing dancing skills and enjoyed her dance, a quality I hadn’t noticed before. I started looking for more. I noticed how she could cutely look at you with those innocent eyes and make your heart melt, how she snorted while laughing, how she took it to her heart when things didn’t fall quite right in clinics and classes. I taught her to let things go and relax. I wanted to see her grow as a person, I wanted to be her best friend and her confidante. I asked her to write and her first two blog entries were impressive. She had depth of thought and clarity of mind. She was sure of what she wanted.

Sometimes when you refuse to look at something, you fail to see how amazing it is. Gosh! How I regretted wasting those past ten months trying to carve something out of this stone only to realize later on that it was already a diamond.

Kids, one of the earliest signs of love is that you start unselfishly doing things for you. I would have done anything for her in the past too but now I started enjoying making her happy. I began feeling the warmth of a relationship. I had finally let her in through the doors in my heart. I was never so sure of any other girl in my past. More so, because this time, it was mutual. I wanted her to meet my parents. I wanted her to be buddies with my mom so that there could be harmony at home ten years from now. In my mind, I was married to her. She was putting up an amazing barbecue in our farmhouse on a lazy, cloudy Sunday afternoon while our kids rode bicycles in the field. I was in love.

I even introduced her to my family during my graduation time and once even tried to make her talk to my mom on phone. I was being an idiot, I was rushing things, like they do in mad, unadulterated love. I am very proud of that Abhyudaya those days. I sort of made up for my mistakes in the past and was working on our relationship every day. There was this imminent looming scenario of me passing out and leaving Davangere but I was ready for an LDR. Go look up LDR in the dictionary! I could make it work anyhow. I had faith.

The Side Effects Of Love

Love is not a single, isolated emotion, kids. I was mistaken, fooled by the picture they paint in romantic movies. There are so many crimes born out of love in real life, so many stories of betrayal. Possessiveness, jealousy, misery- they're all children of love. 

More on that later.

Much love from Papa! 

Chapter 14: Finding true love

Kids, till now I have not introduced you to the concept of picture perfect fairy tale romance. Well, it's time! Till now all my stories had a "loose grip over the way things moved in a relationship" sort of element. Here is where it all changes to a Utopian world where things were just the way they should be.

This story starts in the month of August in the year 2011. I had just broken up with Girl 4, virtually breaking her heart for her own good. This misplaced sense of righteousness was riding high on my head at that point of time. I was at home with my final year BDS results still awaited and it was around 8th of August when I logged into Facebook to check my page...

WHOA WHOA WHOA! So, this picture perfect love story started online?

Yes, it was the lamest way to begin a love affair but, it was destined to grow into something beautiful, something meaningful. And yes, I am using the word "love". So as I was saying- I logged on to facebook and there I saw a query on Bapuji group by a girl about the college and its credibility. I was happy to help. Few days letter, I had a pending friend request from her. I was not smitten at the first sight but, I was fresh out of a relationship and flirting was my only survival strategy. My heart was still ailing from the rejection by Girl 3 and the guilt of breaking the heart of no. 4.

Here's the lesson kids- Flirting is injurious to long-term health. There might be advice columns promoting healthy flirting but I assure you that there is no such thing. It's like dipping your toe before jumping in the pool and if you don't like the pool enough, do not dip the toe for God's sake.

That is not to say that I didn't like this girl. I just had never seen her, had no idea how she was, her emotional baggage and the suspicious nature of her friend request (being a girl). Making the first move by a girl was unheard of in my world. I suspected that she was probably a dude who wanted to molest me and steal all my money. I took it upon myself to ascertain her femininity and exchanged phone numbers and called her in the night. Yes! She was a girl and was about to take admission in my own college! I still had my internship year remaining in the college and I could picture a casual romance with a pretty lass bloom. I pictured pool parties, hitting the club and hitting on each other for the next 365 days.

Another lesson: Whenever you think you're ready for something casual, you are actually depressed from within.

So, then I began the most intense, shameless routine of flirting with her. Inept at the casual act, I actually ended up mouthing the words "I love you" to her in our first few talks. My text messages were laced with corny, cheesy innuendos. She was unnaturally complying with all my terms and conditions. It was as if the universe was making up for something, life suddenly found a shallow purpose. I was wooing her, courting her, for what? For whom? I will never know. There was something unnatural about her response too. She was quick to reply and prompt to accept my "love" which stood on no foundations.

Finally the day came, I saw her for the first time. She was there. Hiding behind her mother, shying, staring at me coyly and yes! It wasn't love at first sight. She was borderline obese, wore spectacles and didn't appear friendly at all. I seriously considered running away but I was in a bad shape emotionally and couldn't afford to break another heart. Her mother seemed sweet. Judging by her, I thought there must be some charisma brushed off to the daughter. Functional families create the best human beings. I decided to give this relationship a try and see if things could take a turn for the better and thank God I did!

When you meet a stranger you've met online, there are many things going on in your mind. Firstly, the other person would be nothing like you've imagined. To top that, I was meeting the girl I had never met, yet said "I love you" to and she had reciprocated too. It doesn't get weirder than this. Actually it does. So meet someone from online, you try to put up your best face because you're trying to impress the person. Then, your expectations are slightly shattered because even if you look like Rajpal Yadav, you always expect Catherine Zeta Jones. So eventually, I began to date this girl and thus on fake foundations, laid the first brick of true love.

There were still miles to go before we reached "true love" and on our way I discovered answers to many questions. In Chapter 15, I will throw some light on that journey.

Bye! Much love from Daddy!!

Chapter 13- A love story

Well, I am of the opinion that every love story needs to be told because, every such story stands out in its own glory and inspires us to never lose hope and faith in love. Here is one such story in all its glory-

Once upon a time, there lived a boy, unruly and loud, fickle as a cloud. Let's call him Prince henceforth. There also lived a girl- cute as a button, quiet but jolly, she hardly had any folly. She was a princess. The boy was a romantic at heart but he hid that side of his under an overtly chauvinistic veil; he hung out with guys and boys strictly, never thought that girls are worthy of friendship, spoke lowly of them and revelled in the glory of boyhood.

The girl came from a place where "romantic relationships" were unheard of, almost like a taboo. She did have a wild streak but she just didn't know it yet. She considered herself never anything above ordinary and never did she feel the need of being modest because modesty is to conceal your aura so that everyone shines in the same bright light but, she was quite unaware of her own aura.

The meet cute was not so very dramatic. The guy although was such a "boy" but, he was a romantic at heart, so much so that he fell for every cute face out there. He could imagine a cute girl and fall in love with her- such strong was his love for love. Is this trait worthy of being called a "romantic"? I leave that decision to you. So he saw the girl one day, she was his college junior. He saw her again and started noticing the nuances of  her eyes, smile, hair. Everything is beautiful if you observe closely. God is a sculpture and he gives much attention to detail. The beholder has to look for them, that's all. Then, he sent her a request on facebook- an online tool which has made life easier for many tools. The friendship request was promptly accepted and thus began a small spark. Their first conversation led to the next one and so on, until one day when they knew each other well enough to pass smiles and make small talk in public. This led to an epiphany that their personalities were like lock and key, they fit together, suited each other. They clicked together.

Now you may feel that clicking together is good thing. Well, Not necessarily. It means that they are good as friends, equals, companions but can that feeling metamorphose into the feeling where you cannot stay apart for even a minute, when you have butterflies in the stomach when you meet the other, when your whole life revolves around the happiness of the other viz., the feeling called love?

Turns out that our Prince shared great chemistry with the Princess not because of the chemistry, but because he was smitten by her and thus, everything she did was adorable to him. Now this was the first good thing that happened in this story which appeared to be drifting wayward thus far.

At one of their hanging-out sessions "as friends", prince professed his love to the princess. Princess had never seen this coming, she would have never known this feeling, she never considered these feelings legit, and coming from the prince, it seemed all the more strange to her. She hadn't given it a single thought, ever. She borrowed some time.

That night, prince called her. They laughed about how he will be a good boyfriend once they get together and how much he loves her. Usually when such a thing happens in a friendship, it ruins the relation, the two people drift apart to make room to accommodate "love" between themselves. But this was not the case between these two. Their chemistry seemed to be indestructible. This struck the princess and acting on sheer instinct, she said "yes" just to experience whether the prince was as good a boyfriend as he claimed to be.

Turns out, prince was none of those things he claimed to be. He stayed the same ol' friend and did the same ol' silly things. Princess was not disappointed to say the least. She was happy. It was like nothing had changed, just that there was a different name for the amazing relation that they shared. Slowly, over time, she fell in love with him.

Love is not something that happens all of a sudden, it's not what you share with your girlfriend you just met; it is what you share with your wife after 20 years of marriage. All you need to do is find someone who cares enough to take the risk and leave the rest to love.

Cheers!

Ode to girl 3

I gave you chances,
I dropped you hints.
You looked through me,
from pink glass tints.

You ran me over,
and killed my thirst.
I was radiant and jolly,
like an atom bomb burst.

I feigned happiness,
which is hardest to feign.
You were the nursing bottle,
and I had to wean.

I cried, got over you,
moved on, bought a life.
Tired, spent my soul,
through this endless strife.

Why to stay single on Valentine's Day!

Now that I am in a full-fledged relationship (more on that later) and the V-day is just round the corner, I think I miss being single on cupid's favourite date and this is not about the grass being greener on the other side of the fence, trust me.

Reason 1: The immense hype.
"What are you gifting her this Valentine's?", "Hey! What plans for Valentine's?" The plannings and conspiracies begin a month ahead. It's sort of fun and challenging when you're trying to woo her but, not so much when it is something expected out of you, more than something that you want to do. Imagine her friends saying "Hawww! He didn't take you to Abcd place on V-day eve? Me and my other went there! And it was awesome! Omg omg omg! I loved it!!" and her going all mad with red raging fury over your inability to match some multi- millionaire business tycoon's son's histrionics!

Reason 2: The embarrassment.
If you are not much into PDA, all those moments when you're in the public eye can be very unnerving. Right from your entry to an Archie's Gift Gallery to the flower shop, to the time you spend outside waiting for with a bunch of roses in your hands; you are targeted by giggly girls, frowning neighbours, conniving friends- all giving you those strange looks. It's like they just read your personal diary.

Reason 3: Western Culture!! Haye! Haye!
Now who wants to get his face smeared with black grease and made to sit on a donkey? Not me! We live in a country of Shiv Sena., Shri Ram Sene, Bajrang Dal et al who consider it their duty to get rid of us maggots from the society. How about we shift the V-day to 15th or 16th Feb and fool 'em fools!!? Eh? Eh?

Reason 4: The expectations.
If love is a degree course, V-day, anniversaries, birthdays are like university exams. If you don't make her feel like a princess on the day, a lot of your future arguments will end with her saying "You didn't... blah blah blah... even on Valentine's day!" If you're in a no frills relationship, gear up for some frills! Valentine's day attaches frills to everyone's lives!

Reason 5: The Accelerator!
If you've been taking it slow and nice, and things have been good so far, and you've been going just the right speed; V-day shifts the gear to the topmost and hits top speed in your relationship car. Don't fret if she starts saying things like "When we get married...", "What names have you thought for our future kids?", "What names have you thought for our future grandkids?" and stuff like that. It's the phenomenon of V-day hitting the relationship accelerator. Applying brakes may result in fatal jerks and even an ugly crash! Enjoy!

Reason 6: The Romance Of Singlehood!
Valentine's Day means so much to the in-love couples, but it also means a lot to the singles ready to mingles. It's about hope, it's about the endless search for true love. Having a girlfriend puts an end to that great search and simultaneously to all the romance associated with that search. Congratulations, you can no longer go up to that lonesome female from across the hall, and be all nervous, and ask her for a dance. Instead, you get to buy cards, teddy bears, roses and other gooey things and carry them around town until you deliver them to a certain someone who is expecting them from you.


Reason 7: Money!
Crack that piggy bank open and waste that money because that's how cupid rolls!


Reason 8: For those of you who want to break-up!
Ok, it has not been going as you had dreamed and expected in your relationship. You want to break up and say good-bye but V-day with itself brings a three month curfew period during which, you can't even think of breaking up and here's why you have to put up with her for three more months-

One and a half month before V-day- She is all excited with her plans and is asking you for suggestions. Telling her that you don't want her around anymore is like stabbing a teddy bear.

On the V-day- Oh! Don't you dare think of doing that on the most special day of them all, you sick-o! Just survive the day somehow!

One and half month after V-day- You can't dump her right after V-day otherwise it'd feel like you've been pitying her all along. So the month of Feb is a no-no. And as you survive February, you realise that she isn't that bad and you should give your relationship another chance. It's only till the end of March that you re-realise why you wanted to break-up with her. Don't do it on April 1st though, she won't take you seriously at first, which will make it more brutal.

Love and Peace!

And yeah, happy Valentine's Day!!

How to screw up a relationship!

Kids, dating isn't easy. It isn't a bed of roses. It's a bed of burning dead bodies, being tortured with hellfire which is covered by petals of roses. You find that out, only when you step on it. Once you step on it, it's very difficult to step back. Here I present to you a few secret ways to help you do that. Use them responsibly, ok?

1. Gorilla Wars!
When you're in a relationship, you fight. You fight 'cause your beau called your mother ugly and you fight 'cause you think he thinks you think that he thinks you're fat! These fights are customary and do not mar the status of your relationship by more than 1%. If you really want to do some real damage, throw a bombshell without any reason! You can't imagine how much damage a "I don't think things are working anymore" text on a fine sunday morning can cause. We don't have the numbers, so defeat the enemy by surprise attacks! Gorilla war!!

2. Missiles!
Most of the fights are reconciled when you meet your other and discuss them. But there will be times when one of you would be out of station, away for some reason. That's your time, pick a fight. Pick a stupid reason. When someone is with his or her family after a loong time, they program themselves to be happy. A text like- "I think you're a lying son of a bitch! You didn't remove that whore from your facebook even when she continuously hit on you!" can work wonders!

3. Repetition!
Say "I love you jana" via texts every two hours in a day and four times before sleeping. Ask "asleep?" after 15 minutes of them texting you- "Very tired, going to sleep.".

And here's the master stroke, when in a fight- mention how you say "I love you" gazillion times a day and they fail to acknowledge your love.

4. Make fun of everything they do.
And if they are playful and take this in their stride, apologize viciously until they realize that they have been wronged!

5. The obvious stuff
Of course, you should be over-possessive, loud, bitchy and critical of their personality and family and family members' personalities. I mean that's a given.

6. Self-centered talk!
Let him finish a long speech on how his father has mistreated him all his life and how he wants to grow up and become a better human being and follow that up with "Am I looking fat in this dress jana?"

Pure break-up guaranteed!